Reflection

Has it really been 2 years since I've written? It has. And for good reason. You see my friends, my life has been quite turbulent. Honestly, its been a roller-coaster, and I detest roller-coasters. I find myself sitting here on the eve of a brand new year, stepping off of this lengthy ride, reflecting. I've learned a lot. I think I am ready to share part of my journey, and what I have learned in the process with you.

First of all I've learned exactly how much I love my children. My love for them has been magnified so clearly and intensely that I see it in the most pure unfiltered form. There were days that my love for my children gave me the strength to survive when even the tiny action of breathing seemed too much for my tired soul. When I say I love my kids, I mean that with the weight of my entire being. I mean that they have been the answer to every single question I asked myself over this past year. They have been in every exhausted thought, every scar I hide, every tear I've cried. I LOVE my children.

What has happened you ask? My identity changed from a stay at home wife and mother, blogger, friend, aunt, sister, daughter, to a divorced working mom of three. Basically my entire world changed. And I was the one who changed it.

Some days it seems like my old life was just yesterday. I feel like sometimes an abundance of "new" makes time go by quickly. Yet other moments the days slowly lingered, weighed down by the emotional elements that poured down. I find it interesting that feelings of happiness and joy seem to make time flutter by, while moments of sorrow or pain drudge along relentlessly scraping and scarring the internal pieces of your soul. Just an observation. Back to what I've learned as I look back.

I've learned that friendship is a gift. People, individuals, are gifts. We like to sweep them together in broad categories, but the truth is every human being is unique. Some like the idea of belonging in a category, and they flourish in that particular part of the garden; others find strength in standing alone in the sun. Regardless, we all have experiences and perspectives that are intricately designed and make us unique. This is not a new notion by any means, but it is one that I've picked up on this past year and appreciate.

I've learned that emotions, though they have no physical responsibility like our lungs or our liver, can absolutely impact our physical well being. That concept is difficult for me logically. I have a hard time connecting the fact that something as intangible as "feelings" can have a very real and tangible affect on our bodies. I mean it makes sense now, but the legitimacy of that was hard for me to grasp. I am grateful for the relatively new acceptance of mental health and emotional well being that is popular now. I am a huge fan of therapy, open communication, and all forms of  expression that rid the mind of the plaguing pain derived from emotional burdens.

I've learned that life changes. It just does. Regardless of your plans, your ability to handle it , your desire or lack of desire for it, it happens. And it's okay. As soon as you adjust and feel good about that change, it will happen again.

Finally I've learned that who you are, and who I am, matters. I don't mean our titles, or the hats we wear. I mean our core beings; what we do, and how we do it is important. So find out who you are, what is important to you, and why it is important; and make that a part of you. Find strength in it. Cultivate it. Help others find in within themselves.

I hope that as you reflect upon this past year you can spot the goodness that is not always apparent, and the opportunities disguised as challenges. Find your purpose. Accept life, grab a hold of it, and be kind.

Society's Dependence on Convenience

I have decided that our society has grown LAZY.  Myself included.  The other night after the kids were in bed and dishes were done, the house was quiet and I debated about what I should do in my hour of heaven (the hour after the kids are in bed).  Go run on the treadmill, I thought to myself.  Oh man, did that appeal to me!  I have it set up in my house, my work out clothes were clean and ready to go, and I seriously needed to run out the disappointment I felt from my poor test score earlier in the day.  But I didn't.  With all those incentives, I didn't.

Why?

O.K. you can't make fun of me.  Pinky swear that you won't ridicule me?

Good.

I didn't want to put on my running shoes. 
Yes, I wanted to run, I wanted to do something hard and physical.  However the complicated task putting on socks and tying my shoes changed my mind. 

That my friends is laziness. 

We have become a result oriented people obsessed with getting the quickest results in the easiest way possible, and are unwilling to put forth any real effort.  How Sad!  We excel at creating new technologies that advance our living conditions, but I'm afraid that we forget what really disappears with all of these conveniences; AMBITION

The remote control, the microwave, netflix; we have let all of these conveniences get the best of us.  Remember when we used to watch the credits at the beginning of movies?  Or if you wanted to learn something you would spend an afternoon in the library searching topics and titles?  Now Siri and Google answer all of our whims within seconds, with minimal effort on our part. L.A.Z.Y

What has this done to our society?

It has weakened our work ethic.  We do not want to work for things anymore.  We look for alternatives to work, instead of rolling up our sleeves and getting the job done.  Sometimes we even spend more time looking for easier solutions than it would have taken to Just Do It.  Our children are being taught about new technologies, and they are grasping on to them even faster than we did, but we are neglecting to teach them our own history of working hard and achieving goals that take time and dedication. 

With all of the advancements that make life easier we soften.  Our critical thinking skills crumble.  Our persistence weakens.  I am seriously afraid the fictional characters from the Disney movie Wall-E are our near future.

 

We need to slow down.  We must bring back the skills and traditions that made us prosperous in the first place; ambition, diligence, patience, etc.  The lack of patience has especially become a grand problem in our society.  We want.  We want it now.  When we don't get it now we get frustrated, and angry, then hate grows.  We have these expectations of how we want our experiences to go, namely fast and NOW, and we've let those expectations become more important than the people we interact with.  You hear stories every day about people who get in conflicts over things like their order not being correct, or fast enough.  It's only going to get worse unless we do something about it.  This is a case where I believe the small and simple things will bring forth great things.  That's where we start.  With the small and simple. 

 

 

So get out there people and do something about it.  Unless the Wall-E lifestyle appeals to you.  Then to you I say,

 

 



Food for Thought

This morning I was out working in my garden.  It's one of my favorite spaces.  My thoughts and plants grow simultaneously as I work.

Today my thoughts were caught up on the ability to grow vegetables vs. weeds.  I try, and try, and try, to get my cucumbers to grow.  But I have yet to produce a good cucumber plant.  They very same night that they sprout up, they are gobbled up by ravenous creeping things.

As for the weeds, I put absolutely no effort in to growing them, in fact I put a lot of effort in to preventing them, and yet they still seem to pop up over night and thrive.  They can grow where there is no water.  They grow in the rocks.  They grow anywhere and everywhere. 

Why is it SO hard to be successful at growing and harvesting good crops, yet so easy to grow weeds? 

I want to relate this to our thoughts.  The ability to be happy and have good thoughts takes constant work.  You must be proactive.  The moment you relent negativity flourishes.

The one thing I noticed in the garden was that the weeds just sprout up on their own. Plants, however need to be purchased and planted.  It's the same with our thoughts.  Negative thoughts pop into our head all the time.  They just do.  They are random and rampant. 

Positive thoughts also have to be "purchased" and "planted".  By being purchased I mean the desire has to be there.  We need to want it. We have to make that choice.  Then we need to plant the seed of positivity.  There are many ways we can do this; looking on the bright side, giving people the benefit of the doubt,  choosing to smile instead of frown. 

Instead of nurturing the negative, we need to start nourishing the positive and then let it bloom. 

If a weed can grow in uncultivated soil, or even rock, then think of how well it would grow if it were watered and maintained.  It is the same with negativity.  We have to push out those negative thoughts as they arise, and not give them a chance to root. 

Our society has taken a liking to finding fault, and sharing it with the world.  We like to fuel the fire of negativity. 

Pointing fingers has no benefits. 

Putting others down gets you no where. 

It just multiples misery. 

But I know that kindness heals.  Our choices matter, and if we choose kindness we can make a difference.  We can teach others by example.  And if nothing else, we will be happier.  So my challenge to you is to give positivity a try.  Cultivate kindness.  See the difference it makes in your life.  Then please share your experience.  You can share it with me at focusedonthepositive@gmail.com and I'd be happy to post it on the blog.  I will be trying my best as well.  I'll let you know how it goes.  Good luck!


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