Reflection

Has it really been 2 years since I've written? It has. And for good reason. You see my friends, my life has been quite turbulent. Honestly, its been a roller-coaster, and I detest roller-coasters. I find myself sitting here on the eve of a brand new year, stepping off of this lengthy ride, reflecting. I've learned a lot. I think I am ready to share part of my journey, and what I have learned in the process with you.

First of all I've learned exactly how much I love my children. My love for them has been magnified so clearly and intensely that I see it in the most pure unfiltered form. There were days that my love for my children gave me the strength to survive when even the tiny action of breathing seemed too much for my tired soul. When I say I love my kids, I mean that with the weight of my entire being. I mean that they have been the answer to every single question I asked myself over this past year. They have been in every exhausted thought, every scar I hide, every tear I've cried. I LOVE my children.

What has happened you ask? My identity changed from a stay at home wife and mother, blogger, friend, aunt, sister, daughter, to a divorced working mom of three. Basically my entire world changed. And I was the one who changed it.

Some days it seems like my old life was just yesterday. I feel like sometimes an abundance of "new" makes time go by quickly. Yet other moments the days slowly lingered, weighed down by the emotional elements that poured down. I find it interesting that feelings of happiness and joy seem to make time flutter by, while moments of sorrow or pain drudge along relentlessly scraping and scarring the internal pieces of your soul. Just an observation. Back to what I've learned as I look back.

I've learned that friendship is a gift. People, individuals, are gifts. We like to sweep them together in broad categories, but the truth is every human being is unique. Some like the idea of belonging in a category, and they flourish in that particular part of the garden; others find strength in standing alone in the sun. Regardless, we all have experiences and perspectives that are intricately designed and make us unique. This is not a new notion by any means, but it is one that I've picked up on this past year and appreciate.

I've learned that emotions, though they have no physical responsibility like our lungs or our liver, can absolutely impact our physical well being. That concept is difficult for me logically. I have a hard time connecting the fact that something as intangible as "feelings" can have a very real and tangible affect on our bodies. I mean it makes sense now, but the legitimacy of that was hard for me to grasp. I am grateful for the relatively new acceptance of mental health and emotional well being that is popular now. I am a huge fan of therapy, open communication, and all forms of  expression that rid the mind of the plaguing pain derived from emotional burdens.

I've learned that life changes. It just does. Regardless of your plans, your ability to handle it , your desire or lack of desire for it, it happens. And it's okay. As soon as you adjust and feel good about that change, it will happen again.

Finally I've learned that who you are, and who I am, matters. I don't mean our titles, or the hats we wear. I mean our core beings; what we do, and how we do it is important. So find out who you are, what is important to you, and why it is important; and make that a part of you. Find strength in it. Cultivate it. Help others find in within themselves.

I hope that as you reflect upon this past year you can spot the goodness that is not always apparent, and the opportunities disguised as challenges. Find your purpose. Accept life, grab a hold of it, and be kind.

Society's Dependence on Convenience

I have decided that our society has grown LAZY.  Myself included.  The other night after the kids were in bed and dishes were done, the house was quiet and I debated about what I should do in my hour of heaven (the hour after the kids are in bed).  Go run on the treadmill, I thought to myself.  Oh man, did that appeal to me!  I have it set up in my house, my work out clothes were clean and ready to go, and I seriously needed to run out the disappointment I felt from my poor test score earlier in the day.  But I didn't.  With all those incentives, I didn't.

Why?

O.K. you can't make fun of me.  Pinky swear that you won't ridicule me?

Good.

I didn't want to put on my running shoes. 
Yes, I wanted to run, I wanted to do something hard and physical.  However the complicated task putting on socks and tying my shoes changed my mind. 

That my friends is laziness. 

We have become a result oriented people obsessed with getting the quickest results in the easiest way possible, and are unwilling to put forth any real effort.  How Sad!  We excel at creating new technologies that advance our living conditions, but I'm afraid that we forget what really disappears with all of these conveniences; AMBITION

The remote control, the microwave, netflix; we have let all of these conveniences get the best of us.  Remember when we used to watch the credits at the beginning of movies?  Or if you wanted to learn something you would spend an afternoon in the library searching topics and titles?  Now Siri and Google answer all of our whims within seconds, with minimal effort on our part. L.A.Z.Y

What has this done to our society?

It has weakened our work ethic.  We do not want to work for things anymore.  We look for alternatives to work, instead of rolling up our sleeves and getting the job done.  Sometimes we even spend more time looking for easier solutions than it would have taken to Just Do It.  Our children are being taught about new technologies, and they are grasping on to them even faster than we did, but we are neglecting to teach them our own history of working hard and achieving goals that take time and dedication. 

With all of the advancements that make life easier we soften.  Our critical thinking skills crumble.  Our persistence weakens.  I am seriously afraid the fictional characters from the Disney movie Wall-E are our near future.

 

We need to slow down.  We must bring back the skills and traditions that made us prosperous in the first place; ambition, diligence, patience, etc.  The lack of patience has especially become a grand problem in our society.  We want.  We want it now.  When we don't get it now we get frustrated, and angry, then hate grows.  We have these expectations of how we want our experiences to go, namely fast and NOW, and we've let those expectations become more important than the people we interact with.  You hear stories every day about people who get in conflicts over things like their order not being correct, or fast enough.  It's only going to get worse unless we do something about it.  This is a case where I believe the small and simple things will bring forth great things.  That's where we start.  With the small and simple. 

 

 

So get out there people and do something about it.  Unless the Wall-E lifestyle appeals to you.  Then to you I say,

 

 



Food for Thought

This morning I was out working in my garden.  It's one of my favorite spaces.  My thoughts and plants grow simultaneously as I work.

Today my thoughts were caught up on the ability to grow vegetables vs. weeds.  I try, and try, and try, to get my cucumbers to grow.  But I have yet to produce a good cucumber plant.  They very same night that they sprout up, they are gobbled up by ravenous creeping things.

As for the weeds, I put absolutely no effort in to growing them, in fact I put a lot of effort in to preventing them, and yet they still seem to pop up over night and thrive.  They can grow where there is no water.  They grow in the rocks.  They grow anywhere and everywhere. 

Why is it SO hard to be successful at growing and harvesting good crops, yet so easy to grow weeds? 

I want to relate this to our thoughts.  The ability to be happy and have good thoughts takes constant work.  You must be proactive.  The moment you relent negativity flourishes.

The one thing I noticed in the garden was that the weeds just sprout up on their own. Plants, however need to be purchased and planted.  It's the same with our thoughts.  Negative thoughts pop into our head all the time.  They just do.  They are random and rampant. 

Positive thoughts also have to be "purchased" and "planted".  By being purchased I mean the desire has to be there.  We need to want it. We have to make that choice.  Then we need to plant the seed of positivity.  There are many ways we can do this; looking on the bright side, giving people the benefit of the doubt,  choosing to smile instead of frown. 

Instead of nurturing the negative, we need to start nourishing the positive and then let it bloom. 

If a weed can grow in uncultivated soil, or even rock, then think of how well it would grow if it were watered and maintained.  It is the same with negativity.  We have to push out those negative thoughts as they arise, and not give them a chance to root. 

Our society has taken a liking to finding fault, and sharing it with the world.  We like to fuel the fire of negativity. 

Pointing fingers has no benefits. 

Putting others down gets you no where. 

It just multiples misery. 

But I know that kindness heals.  Our choices matter, and if we choose kindness we can make a difference.  We can teach others by example.  And if nothing else, we will be happier.  So my challenge to you is to give positivity a try.  Cultivate kindness.  See the difference it makes in your life.  Then please share your experience.  You can share it with me at focusedonthepositive@gmail.com and I'd be happy to post it on the blog.  I will be trying my best as well.  I'll let you know how it goes.  Good luck!


If you enjoyed this post you might also like Storing up the Sunlight

Photo credit

Metamorphasis

Scrawny, awkward, buck toothed, pale, shy.

That was me.

I remember people commenting on how "skinny" I was from the time I was a little, little girl.  I remember having the desire to disappear, to be invisible.  I started slouching and hunching over around 5.  I'd give up on things quickly, or ask for help right away because I didn't think I was capable.  Normal "fun" things for other kids were not fun to me.   

Jump down from a rock?  Nope.  I'll sit and slide myself down, thank you very much.  Jump off the swings?  First off, I'll swing only at a safe, comfortable height, then slowly come to a stop and gently step off.  I always chose the safest route. 

People also scared me.  My brother used to bring home "friends" for me to play with because I was so shy.  I wouldn't play on a playground if other kids were there, I'd just sit and watch until the coast was clear.  However, I did make friends. I was likeable, just unconfident. 

That was the case through out school.  Elementary, Junior High, and High School.  I was a "nice"girl.  I blended in to the background well.  The slouching got worse when I got braces and headgear in my already terrible teen/tween years. (I still have nightmares about the headgear, no joke)  I looked out for the little guy, and longed to be anyone but me.  I was comfortable with a few, who could get my giggly, goofy side out; but froze in front of the rest of the population.  I was quiet and polite, a perfect little girl.  I never caused trouble.  I was content to just sit and be quiet. 

My one outlet was music. I didn't realize it until recently, but as a kid I'd go in my room, shut the door, turn up the music and figuratively sing my heart out.  It was like a nice was of shouting, without anyone knowing. 

That was me. 

This is me. 

I will be 35 in a couple of months, and I finally, finally feel comfortable in my own skin.  For the first time in my life I don't feel the need to be valued from outside sources.  I don't feel like that scared little 5 year old girl in a grown up body.  I don't really care what others think of me, and it's entirely freeing. 

Since I have let go of my hang ups I have realized few things about myself; I am smart.  I am capable.  I can do hard things.  I don't need others to like me in order to like myself. 

 

Most Importantly:

****I was the one holding myself back***

Once I let go of my fear I became empowered.  I became a new person.  I metamorphasized.  (I know, that's not a word, but it fits.)   Life is much better when you like yourself, and you believe in yourself.  When you can depend on yourself instead of others for personal happiness.     

 

So if you are not where you would like to be; if you have your own five-year-old-girl complex of some kind, don't worry.  You can beat it.  It took me almost 35 years.  But its do-able and it's worth it.  Just like the seed is capable of becoming the tree, you are capable of becoming what you desire. 

 

Don't be the thing holding you back. 

 

We don't get to choose how we start, but we are in charge of how we end up. 

 

 

Store Up The Sunlight

Just a few days ago we celebrated my sons first birthday.  It's been a busy year for us.  Well, to be honest this has been the hardest year - no year and a half, of my life.  Some of the struggles I have shared, but there have been some extremely difficult personal struggles as well.  I've been doing a lot of cleaning lately, which I call therapeutic cleaning.  For some reason purging the house of junk helps me feel ..... better, happier, more optimistic.  It makes the chaos going on in my life feel less chaotic.  Anyways, as I was cleaning I came upon a cute little solar dancing flower. 

This trinket was given to me by my dad.  We were at the hospital with my little baby who had surgery on his skull.  Dad went to the gift shop to look for a toy for the baby and came back with this.  With everything going on at the time I didn't think much of it, (no offense dad).  I packed it up and brought it home and forgot about it.  But as I came upon it the other day, months after it was given to me, and after some super hard things have come my way, I was so happy to see it.  Now it has a message and a purpose.  It is a reminder to me to store up the sunlight for the dark days.  So that when those dark days come I can have a reserve of happiness to get me through. 

Since I found it I put it on the corner of the dresser, where it gets a bit of sunlight.  I love to watch it and hear the tick, tick, tick, as it dances.  I notice the silence on overcast days.  I also notice that even just the tiniest bit of sunlight is all it needs to dance.  Just as this flower stores up the sun to dance its happy dance, we too can store up the good things for the bad days.  Just as people have food and blankets for emergencies we can also have a surplus storage of happiness to keep us afloat during times of stress or anguish.  Because everyone has hard days.  Everyone. 

How can we store up happiness?

Look For The Good
Take in the good that is given to us. If you're wearing sunglasses you can't see the full brightness of the sun, right?  We need to take off our metaphorical sunglasses and see all of the goodness that is around us.  It's in all of the little things.  Someone held the door open - that's a good thing.  Someone smiled at you as they walked by - another good thing.  If we look for them they will not pass us by.  Each positive thing we notice can become a brick that we add to our foundation of happiness.  But we have to look for it, and not ignore it. 

What if there is nothing good happening around me?

I believe that there is always some good happening to everyone.  Sometimes it's abundant, other times we have to look harder to find it, but there is always some good. And if you can't find it, then make it. 

How do we store it up?

Grab On To The Good 
When we find those good things, hold on to them.  Write them down, talk about them, be thankful for them.  Put them on your FB timeline.  Call your girlfriends to talk about them.  Tell your kids about them.  Don't let them be like a feather in the wind.  Etch those good things in the stone of your memories!

Keep a Gratitude Journal 
A gratitude journal is a  book that you use to write down all of the things you are grateful for.  One of the things I've dealt with is insomnia.  I tried everything I could think of to get some sleep but the only thing that helped was thinking about all the things I was grateful for.  I would think about my day and make a long mental list and before I could even finish I would fall asleep, and stay asleep.  A gratitude journal could be the perfect remedy for so many of life's trials.

Do What Makes You Happy
This is self explanatory, but think about what brings you peace and joy and make sure that is happening in your life.  For me that might be playing with my kids, reading my scriptures, doing yard work, helping others, etc.  Do whatever brings a smile to your face. 

Hard times are a part of life.  They are supposed to happen, and they are supposed to happen to everyone. 

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." John 16:33 

If we can successfully store up the sunlight on those good days, we will have the energy to dance, even in the dark. 

Charity

Update time!  So, in the last few months a lot has been going on.  Here's the short version.  Remember my sweet little baby boy, and what a struggle it was to get him?  Well, the trials didn't end when he was born.  When he was 2 months old I took him in for a routine doctors appointment.  While we were there the doctor noticed something unusual and sent us to the hospital for x-rays of his head.  Turns out the plates in his skull had already fused together leaving no soft spot, his head was not able to grow.  Yikes!  So, at barely 4 months old we went to Primary Children's Hospital for Skull Surgery.  They had to remove a strip of his skull. It was stressful! 

 

But while we were there we stayed at the most AMAZING place, the Ronald McDonald House.   Talk about helping out in every way possible to get us through a hard time!  They pretty much removed all of the normal daily stresses so we could focus on our baby.  They have a kitchen open 24/7 stocked with food, lots of activities and toys for the siblings, and so much more.  My kids LOVED staying there.  They made such a difference to our family at an extremely stressful time.  Because of this experience I have become a huge fan and supporter of the Ronald McDonald House and wanted to let you know how you can help the RMHC help other families in their time of need.  After all, it is the season of giving, and if you're looking for a charity to help this is definitely the one! 

If you are interested there are so many different ways to help out this wonderful organization.  You can help out personally by providing service (doing activities with the children, cooking food for the families, even the cleaning staff are volunteers), or you can donate money or items.  You can also donate your change with their Coinstar Collection, at any of the green coin machines near you, or save your pop tops and donate them.  I also highly recommend visiting a Ronald McDonald House if there is one near you.  Just walk around and take a look at everything they do and see some of the families.  I promise you, it will touch your heart.  Here's a link about all the different ways you can get involved. 

As someone who has benefitted from this charity I can tell you that the RMH help real people in their times of need.  If you decide to help them you will be doing a worthwhile service!  I hope you will consider this during this holiday season. 

Righteous VS Self-Righteous Living

This subject is something I struggle with every time I sit down to write a post.  I want to write to inspire, without coming off as self-righteous.  It's a difficult thing to do.  But lately it's been a difficult thing for me in life as well.  Others are often trying to "help" me with suggestions of what I or my family should be doing, but all they end of doing is "help" me feel bad about myself.  I'm all for doing good things, but I'd rather do it in a way that doesn't make someone feel bad about themselves.

Here's a for instance. I don't drink. (Alcohol)  Never have.  Never will.  That's my choice.  But that doesn't mean that I am going to walk up to you and tell you that you shouldn't drink.  If you ask me,  I will tell you my opinion, and I'll tell you why, but I'm not going to tell you what I think you need to do.  See the difference?

Here are some of my thoughts about how we can keep our morals and standards without hurting others in the process.

First of all, be yourself.  Don't live based on what others might think of you, and don't judge others based on what you see.  Live your life the way you want to, but let those around you have the same freedom.
 
Don't judge.  Be aware of others and their needs but don't judge them.  Offering advice when you see a need can often come off as judgmental instead of helpful.  Sometimes it's best not to offer advice when you observe something that you think needs help.  It might be best to wait and offer your advice at a different time, or not at all.  Also keep in mind that everyone is in a different place.  What works for you might not work for them, or interest them, or even be important to them.  Again, don't judge!

Be an Example.  Let your light shine, as they say.  Let your actions speak instead of your mouth.  People are more easily inspired by observation rather than instruction. 

Be a friend.  Sometimes we think we shouldn't be friends with people that have different beliefs/standards, etc.  I disagree.  We should be friends with anyone that we get a long with.  Did you hear that?  Not everyone.  Some people just don't get a long.  But we should be friends with anyone that we get a long with.  It would be pretty boring if we only hung out with people that were exactly like us.  Some of the most beautiful friendships are ones in which our differences are accepted and loved.


It is good to have moral and standards.  It's good to share those thoughts and beliefs.  Just try not to do it in a harmful or hurtful way.  Most importantly love those around you, even if they are different than you. 

Tunnel Gardens

Hi Friends!  It's the first day of Autumn and I thought I'd share something awesome with you.  I LOVE to garden.  I recently learned about a way to garden all year long.  Yes, All Year Long!!!  How amazing is that!  I have seen it with my own two eyes and had to share it with you. 

My friends started this company, it's called Tunnel Gardens. These portable tunnels fit over your garden, require no additional heating, very little water and grow plants beautifully all winter long.  Here is a short 1 minute video showing you their garden last winter. 

Here is their website if you are interested in ordering a tunnel for your garden at home.  The pricing is extremely reasonable, they have several different sizes available, and they ship right to you.  Please take a moment to check them out, if you are a gardener like me it will be well worth your time!

http://tunnelgarden.com/   

Happy Gardening Everyone!

 

Update: PoTS, Pregnancy, and Miracles

Hi guys!

Forgive me for taking so long to write and update you all.  The last time I wrote I was sick, very sick, and pregnant.  Well we had our baby, a beautiful baby boy, and my illness went away!  Hooray!!!  Here is a picture so you can oooh and ahhhh. 

I know.  He's way cute. 

Well you heard right, my PoTS just went away.  Shortly after I gave birth my body went back to normal.  What a miracle!  (What a mysterious condition)  Boy am I glad it is gone.  The other day I ran up the stairs and stopped to realize that not too long ago that was an impossible task.  What a relief that I am symptom free! 

As I look back on the last several months I realize I have much to be grateful for.  Grateful first and foremost for my beautiful son.  I cannot begin to tell you how much I love him and what a joy he has been in our family.  We all treasure him.  I am grateful to be independent again.  I am grateful to be physically active again.  I am grateful to be surrounded by wonderful supportive people. 

Glancing back, I can see some of the miracles that took place.  The first has to do with my husbands job.  My husband started a new job shortly before all of this happened.  I have to admit I was weary of him taking this new job.  His earnings would be half, HALF, of what he was making.  That's a big deal.  But it turns out his new job was part of Heavenly Father's plan.  At his old job he worked long tiring hours and I never knew when he'd be home.  The distance of his job sites were varied also.  Sometimes he'd be an hour away, sometimes 3 or 4 hours away.  With his new job he is less than a mile away, working normal business hours.  When things got bad and I needed him home in a moments notice, he was there.  This NEVER would have been the case if he still had his old job.  I believe that this is an example of God knowing our needs before we do. 

Another miracle was when the baby was delivered.  There were some complications.  All of a sudden they were calling for doctors, the room was tense, and I found out we would be having an emergency C-section.  During all of the chaos I was completely calm.  This is NOT my personality.  I do not react well to last minute change, especially at a time like that, but I felt peace and comfort.  The thoughts; "there's nothing to worry about", "everything is going to be fine", "trust in the doctors" kept gently whispering to me to calm me down.   I believe those feelings of peace came from Heavenly Father.  I was not alone in those moments of distress.  He comforted me when I needed comfort. 

I have to admit the last several months have brought about a great deal of physical and mental stress.  I would not ask to go through this again, nor would I wish it on anyone.  But as I look back I can see some good.  I can see God's hand in my life.  I have much to be grateful for, and I because of these experiences I believe in modern day miracles.  Thank you for your patience with me over the last few months, in my lack of posts.  I hope you are all doing well!

 

 



Learning How to Live with Physical Limitations

Here's some background for this post.  I am a wife and mother in my early 30's with 2 kids and one on the way.  This is my 6th pregnancy, so we've had some pleasant and unpleasant experiences.  Pregnancy for me is difficult.  It's just not a sure thing until there is a healthy baby in my arms.

So we have 2 beautiful girls (7&3), and are pregnant with a boy, yay!  In this pregnancy however I have encountered difficulties that I have never faced before.  Somewhere early in the 2nd trimester I started feeling weak, too weak to even stand up.  My heart would race and my body wasn't strong enough to keep me upright.  Then I had a set of very severe chest pains that brought me to the floor.  The next day I was too weak to do anything, and passed out at home with my 3 year old next to me.  (she was safe, I had her on my bed with me reading books because I knew I was not well)  That was the beginning of it all.  

It took several weeks, tests, doctors and specialists, but we finally figured out I had something.  I was diagnosed with PoTS, Postural tachycardia syndrome, and quite a bad case of it.  Due to this illness I am very limited in my physical abilities.  Let's see, I am able to sit up with my legs elevated.  Fun!  And.....yeah, that's about it.  Of course I do get up, gotta use the bathroom, etc.  I'm a mom of two kids too, so I get up to tend them too, not very much, but sometimes.  And I get to get out of the house for my frequent doctors appointments.  

I've been dealing with this all together now for 2-3 months, and have 2 months left to go.  I think I'm finally at the point where it feels good to talk about it.  I'm past the figuring out what's wrong phase, and the dealing with the diagnosis phase.  I am ready to open up to get out what's inside of me.  I hope that this will help me deal with what I am going through, and possibly help others in similar circumstances.  So if you are struggling with physical limitations, or are a family member or friend to someone who is, here are some of the thoughts and feelings I have had through out my experience that I hope will be helpful to you in your process.

Here are some of the feelings I have felt, they are very honest, but I think they are worth sharing:

Crazy.  

At first I had no idea what was wrong with me.  I thought it could all be in my head.  I pay pretty close attention to my body when I am pregnant, maybe I am just being too sensitive to normal pregnancy symptoms.  Besides, who is incapable of standing up?? No one.  I'm crazy.  (this lasted a long time, until I had symptoms that I felt finally required a doctor's attention)

Angry  

I was SO angry at myself because I couldn't do things.  I was angry at my body.  I hated feeling helpless.  I hated not being able to do things for myself.

Prideful

My pride kept me from asking for help, and accepting help when it was offered.  Not because I was shy, or didn't want to put people out.  But because I did not want to admit that I couldn't do things for myself.  I felt like if I asked someone for help I wasn't asking for help, I was saying "I can't do something, I am flawed.  There is something wrong with me" and that is a really really hard thing to tell people.  And I certainly wasn't ready to accept that fact myself.

Sad  

Yes I will admit, Miss Focused on the Positive here wasn't able to stay upbeat and chipper.  I've shed plenty of tears throughout this experience.  I've had to come to terms with a lot of different things throughout this, and honestly tears helped sometimes.  There's nothing wrong with feeling sad.  It is perfectly O.K. to have a sad day every so often.

Frustrated  

There are many days that I long to go outside, go for a walk, switch my own laundry, do a project, etc. and I can't.  It is absolutely frustrating to have physical limitations.  Especially when it's something that was so easy, but now either requires help, or isn't possible anymore.

Lonely  

My house has levels.  Kitchen on one floor, family room (tv) on another, bed rooms and bathroom on another.  Due to my physical abilities I have to pick a level and stay there.  It is not easy.  Especially when I was not asking for help.  I'd pretty much assemble everything I needed for the day, hope my kids were ok, and wait for my husband to get home so I had someone to talk to.  But even then he could rarely talk because he had to do all the stuff I hadn't been able to do during the day.  It was lonely.  And I was a pregnant emotional wreck.

Of course it wasn't all bad.  One of the many blessings I've found in this trial is knowing that no matter how awful/bad/lonely I feel, I am not alone.  Not even close.  I know my Heavenly Father and Savior have been with my every step of the way.  They have witnessed every tear, and felt every heartache.  They have comforted me when nothing else could.  They have sent help in the form of dear friends to me.  They help remind me that this will end.  I will get through it.  And I will be better because of this experience.  And, oh yeah, I'll get a beautiful baby boy too. 

I've also felt loved by friends, neighbors, and acquaintances who have heard what we are going through and reached out to help in numerous ways.  I have felt an abundance of love and support.  I have felt the love of those who are praying for me.  I have felt strength from the prayers of others.  I know that when I have a good day, it may entirely be because others are thinking and praying for me.  I know God hears and is answering those prayers, and I am forever grateful.  Probably the most helpful thing you can do, especially if there really is nothing else that you can do, is to pray for them.   

So this is my advice for friends and family of someone who is going through a physical trial:

- Pray for them, 

- Love them flaws and all, 

- Call them or send them notes of comfort, 

- Think of them often, (I kid you not, as I am typing this someone rang the doorbell and dropped off flowers for me)

- Serve without judgement, 

- Don't be offended if they say no when you know they need help, they are learning, continue to love them

My advice to those going through a physical challenge is to:

- Find strength in knowing you are not alone.  I found great strength in learning about my condition, and realizing that there are many people living with it as well.  

- Know that there is nothing wrong with you, you are still the same person you were before.

- One day you will accept and  understand your limitations, and when you do life will be easier. 

- If you are strong enough, tell someone.  They will help you, or find someone to help you.

- Accept help from others (easier said than done, I know)

- Have faith.  Whatever you believe in, how ever you express your faith, do it now and don't stop.  It is only harder if you stop.  Keep your faith strong.  Believe in miracles.   

- Allow yourself to have sad moments, then try to look for something positive in your situation.

- When you are ready, talk about it.  Get your feelings out so you can move on.  

I have learned through this experience that a physical trial is hugely a mental trial.  There are so many mental hurdles you have to get over before the physical healing can even begin.  We can make it better for ourselves or worse depending on how we handle it.  I hope if you are going through something as difficult as this that you will find the help and strength that you need.  My prayers are with you. 

If you have something to add I would love it if you shared it in the comments.

Be Looking

I have a confession to make.  I've been in my pj's, laying on the couch, feeling lousy for weeks, almost months now.  Yup, I'm pregnant.  Thus, no new posts, (it's hard to be positive when you feel ... pregnant)  Haven't even tried to keep up with the blog.  My apologies.

Due to my health I have had to sit back and watch things not get done, ask people to help and accept offers of help (which by the way is really really hard for me), and accept the fact that everything is OK even if things are on the floor and dishes are on the counter. every day. done on an as needed basis.  (gasp)

On top of that we had a bad storm come through, damaging our house and property in several areas.  I was useless.  We were in need of help!  And not just once.  Things we thought were repaired broke again, sometimes random things just broke, to keep us on our toes I think.  Some nights it was needed a.s.a.p.  It was a humbling experience to have to ask people for help over and over.

One of the things I have learned through these experiences is this: 

You can only help someone if you are able to hear their call for help.  

How grateful I am for the people who weren't too busy to help out at a moments notice.  They were there to answer the phone and hear of our need for help.  Their lives weren't too full to add one more thing to the to do list.  

It seems most everyone nowadays is busy doing stuff.  We feel proud if our lives are packed with things to do, it's like a badge telling the world "I'm important".  You feel good/needed/special when you say no because you're already busy with something else.  

But what about the phone that rings with a request for help that you don't hear because you are busy.  What about the knock at the door from someone who is in need at that very moment, that doesn't get answered because you are too "important". 

I know the holiday season is in fact the busiest season of the year and what I am asking will be hard to do, but let's try to make our calendars a little more open.  Open to help others at the last minute, to hear their cries for help and be there when they need us.  Some of the greatest blessing come when we are helping others in need.  Some of the best lessons we can learn can be in moments of service.  We can feel truly important when we are able to help others in a way that they could not do themselves.  

I can testify of the love and gratitude we felt toward those that helped us.  Please be open to service.  Be looking for those that need you.  Be available, even at a moments notice.  If you do, I believe you will be blessed, just as much as the people you are helping.  

Picture Link here

Difficult Blessings

Ever receive one of those blessing in your life that requires frequent "this is a blessing" reminders?   Short term thorn-in your-sides, that eventually become long term joys.  We are experiencing a couple of those in our family.  Though they are private experiences, I thought I'd laugh with you all about it without sharing any details.  I think it's quite hilarious that there are things you want, you hope for in your life, and when you get them the slow uphill climb of difficulty sets in.

For instance, for me child bearing is extremely difficult.  No, I am NOT announcing a pregnancy here, just using this as an easily relate-able example.  Children are a wonderful gift and blessing.  We pray for them, and long for them.  But actually getting pregnant and staying pregnant, (for me) is not fun.  It means months of illness, tests, stress, and accepting help from others.  Pregnancy is definitely one difficult blessing.  But it is absolutely worth every hardship!  Children are a beautiful gift and there is nothing in the world like loving and being loved by a child.

I would also include schooling in the difficult blessing category.  What a blessing higher education can be.  But there are many moments where you have to remind yourself, "This is a good thing",  "It will be great in the end"  or "It WILL be over one day!".

So if you have a moment, please humor me and share one of your previous "difficult blessings".  It will help me get through mine, and it's always fun to laugh at things from the past.  Thank you for sharing your experiences and laughing with me.  You were laughing with me right?  Just Kidding.

Image Link

Personal Gifts

Have you noticed that each person on the Earth is unique.  We have our own physical characteristics.  Some of us have red hair, some have brown eyes, some are tall.  We also have different personalities.  Some are shy, stubborn, fearless.  Some characteristics we were born with, and some we receive through our experiences.

To make us even more unique, we all have different talents or gifts.  Each and every one of us have multiple talents or gifts.  Typical gifts are things like: musical ability, culinary skills, artistic abilities, but there are also gifts not as obvious.
Gifts like:

• patience
• being a good friend
• being a good listener
• lifting others up
• being hardworking
• the gift of loyalty       
• the gift of humor
• being easy going
• faithfulness
• not easily offended
• the gift of imagination
• the gift of communication
• easing the burdens of others

The list could go on and on.

I think that when we take a moment to find out what our own gifts are a few wonderful things will happen.  First, our confidence and self worth increases.  Yay!  Don't we all need a little confidence boost!  I know I used to think that because I didn't have an obvious talent like "Singing Sally" my worth was less than hers.  Not so!  We all have value.  And when we realize what our gifts our self worth will increase.

Second, we will use our gifts to help others.  If you are a good listener look for opportunities to help others by listening to them.  That not only makes you feel useful, but helps those in need.  Double blessing!

So when you have a moment, think about what your personal gifts might be.  We all have them.  No one was created talentless.  OOoooh, and if you see a gift in some one else, tell them.  Maybe they don't even know they have it!

Good Luck my talented friends!

Image link

Where's the drive - updated

In July we celebrate Independence Day and Pioneer Day here in the South Western United States.  To me those holidays are important because of the many sacrifices that were made for greater causes.  In the days of the pioneers, people were courageous and unwavering.  Most everything they did had tremendous value and purpose.  Where has that gone? 

When was the last time you or I were passionate about something?  Yes, I did try really hard to get my finger nails perfect, I passionately shooed the kids away as I applied the oh-so-cute polka dots, but that's not what I'm talking about. 

It seems like we have forgotten two things in my opinion:

• what is important (to see what I personally believe is important click here.)
• and how to keep those things in the important column.

Seriously folks, a lot of work has been done for us by our ancestors, and in return we are.... casual and laid back???  They lived and died to give us so many blessings and I feel like we have totally dropped the ball.  We hardly remember what their struggles were, and at times even mock the things that they worked so hard to give us. 

Sure it is great to live nowadays when everything is done at the touch of a button.  But let's not get so caught up in the trends of today that we forget why we are here and how we got here. 

I personally am perturbed with the lack of values of the day.  It is a frustrating thing to teach my kids right from wrong, when the world thinks wrong is right.  So here's an idea, let's follow the example of our ancestors and put forth real effort in to something.  And hopefully something of great value. 

I'm not saying stop what you are doing and go save some dolphins. In fact that's the opposite of what I am saying.  I am saying today for just a moment stop.  Stop and think about what is really important.  And then figure out a way to share that with others -through your actions.  And then stop doing things that are contrary to what you believe is important.  That's it.  That's how we get back to civility.  One person at a time doing what they believe is right.  That is enough to impact others.

Alright, that's it.  I'll get off my soapbox for the day.  I just like the kindness and purpose that I imagine life had long ago when a handshake, your name, or your word meant something.  I don't want to go back to churning butter, but I wouldn't mind life with a little more curtsies and a little less curtness. 

As always I am curious to hear your thoughts.  Please comment. 

Give Away

Hey Guys!  I am doing my first Give Away today Monday July 15th at my Facebook page.  I made a really cute Owl Prayer Board to help you remember the people you know who need prayers, you could also use it as a to-do board etc.  It's 8x10 and it comes with everything you need, papers, pins, etc. 
Here's the link to my FB page so you can enter:

https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Focused-on-the-Positive/207847512639736

All you have to do is like my Facebook page, or share this give away on facebook with your friends.  Pretty easy.  It is open today Monday July 15th until midnight.  Good luck!

A Mother's Purpose

I want to share some of my thoughts about what it's like to be a mom today.  Thanks to the wealth of ideas on the Internet the expectations of a mother have become a little... unrealistic.  We feel pressure to:

• cook yummy meals using all the latest healthy ingredients; create edible creature snacks for the kids and fancy festive treats for the neighbors.
• maintain a clean and organized home, decorated with homemade crafts for every season. 
• rear our children with our sweet peaceful voices and artsy activities..... AND SO ON

Yes, I have participated in this latest practically-perfect-mom trend, until I remembered what my real purpose as a mother and wife is. The most important task I have is to teach, nurture, and love my children.  Everything else is secondary.  Even the cleaning. 

In Today's Family: The Eternal Role of Mothers Elder Ballard says, “What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else.” 

Above dirty dishes, and homemade soap? 

I think so. 

Don't get me wrong, it is important to live in a clean home and participate in wholesome activities, just not as important as spending time with our children.  Certainly most days have time for a little of everything, but let there be some days where the lessons learned and memories made take up more time.  Nothing terrible is going to happen if you read a book with your kids instead of mopping the floor.

So please, don't be embarrassed if the house is a little askew.  And do not feel sub par when you look at other moms who seem capable of doing everything. 

Be reassured in knowing that your children feel loved and valued, and when they are all grown they will fondly remember the love we gave them and the lessons we taught them.  Motherhood is such a divine calling.  I am grateful to be a mother, and I know that a mothers job is so very important. 

Credit: Edgar Barany (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0).

lady cleaning image by fanfo

My First real 4th of July!

As most of you know I officially became an American citizen this year, so this is my first real Independence Day!

A few days ago my family and I returned home from a vacation, in which traveling by car for 14 hours each way was required, and may I tell you this truly is a beautiful country to live in.

We travelled through the desert and the prairies, and it was all stunning!  What a blessing it is to live in a country so richly blessed, so vast and beautiful, and so abundant in freedoms!

I hope you have a happy Independence Day!   

Photos: Sunset 

Being Happy in Unhappy Circumstances

Below is an article I wrote for the Good News Network.  If you haven't checked out the site take a second to do so.  It's a website that shares only good news from around the world.  Their link is on my side board.

It seems that every day life is getting more and more difficult.  For everyone.  We no longer have to turn on the t.v to see sad stories anymore.  Yes, hard things are happening.  But that doesn't mean that we have to become hard.  I believe that we can be happy even in unhappy circumstances.  How is that possible?  In her book The How of Happiness Sonja Lyubomirsky concludes that 50 percent of a given human's happiness level is genetically determined (based on twin studies), 10 percent is affected by life circumstances and situation, and a remaining 40 percent of happiness is subject to self control.  Isn't that interesting!  Only 10 percent is affected by life, and 40 percent is subject to self control.  I find that amazing, and contrary to popular belief.  If that is true, then we do have the ability to choose to be happy.  So, how do we do that?   

Here are a few things I believe will help us to be happy in unhappy circumstances.  

1.  Help Others.  Feeling down about yourself, your life???  The best remedy for that, in my opinion, is doing something for someone else.  Seriously, it's like magic.  Helping someone else has the power to eliminate your own sadness.  And it's not just by doing grand acts, sometimes small kindnesses bring the greatest relief.  Like the familiar quote says, "If you see a friend without a smile give him one of yours".  Sometimes that's all it takes. 

2.  Be optimistic.  The definition of optimism is "A tendency to expect the best possible outcome or dwell on the most hopeful aspects of a situation."  Now, sometimes it's hard to "expect the best possible outcome", but I like that second part, dwelling on the most hopeful aspects of a situation.  Ahhh, dwelling.  We are all prone to dwell on things now and then.  Why not embrace it by dwelling on the good instead of the bad!  See the good in situations.  Look for it.  Write it down.  Be thankful for it.  Tell others the good things going on instead of the bad.  If you can make that a habit, you'll be much happier.  "I can complain because the rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because the thorn bushes have roses",  J. Kenfield Morley.  Be optimistic!

3. Don't give up.  Take a break.  Have a cry.  Call your BFF.  But DON'T QUIT.  Here is something that gives me the endurance to keep going.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit...

Success is failure turned inside out.
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit.
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.
Author Unknown

Don't give up.  You are strong.  You can get through it.  Believe in yourself, and have faith.

I believe that even though life is difficult we can still be happy.  Without pretending.  Without ignoring our feelings.  We can be truly happy on the inside if we help others, embrace optimism, and keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Good luck to you with all you're facing.  May you find happiness during the trial.

The Walls My Family Lives Within

So, I started writing  a post today, and ended up writing a poem. Strange.  This poem had nothing to do with what I was going to write about.  But somehow it ended up coming out of me.  I am no poet.  But here is what I wrote.

The Walls My Family Lives Within

There are things inside my house, things you might not see.

It is these things that make my house a special place to me.

There's a race track in the living room, and a secret curtain cave,

for my little roaring lions on the days they're feeling brave.

There is a room inside my house with sweet dreams, and sister giggles.

And a canvas in the driveway with hopscotch and chalk squiggles.

Then in the spring there is a place with green and growing things,

where you can spy a ladybug, or hear the robins sing.

There's a front porch for us to gather, and greet friends passing by.  

And soft green grass to lay in as we gaze up at the sky.

You might see rooms and windows, and a fence that's giving in,

But my heart sees more than just the walls my family lives within.

by Maria Ellsworth

Squeal!

Hey guys, guess what?  GNN, the good news network, posted an article I wrote.  It has my picture and little blurb and everything!  Please go check it out, write a comment, and show your support.

 All Things Good (GNN)

Also... I am also a new contributing writer for Mormon Mommy Blogs!  I know, I'm totally excited.  So many great things going on.  Anyways, when my first article is up over there I will let you know!  

Thanks for your All your support!  You guys are the best!!!