Reflection

Has it really been 2 years since I've written? It has. And for good reason. You see my friends, my life has been quite turbulent. Honestly, its been a roller-coaster, and I detest roller-coasters. I find myself sitting here on the eve of a brand new year, stepping off of this lengthy ride, reflecting. I've learned a lot. I think I am ready to share part of my journey, and what I have learned in the process with you.

First of all I've learned exactly how much I love my children. My love for them has been magnified so clearly and intensely that I see it in the most pure unfiltered form. There were days that my love for my children gave me the strength to survive when even the tiny action of breathing seemed too much for my tired soul. When I say I love my kids, I mean that with the weight of my entire being. I mean that they have been the answer to every single question I asked myself over this past year. They have been in every exhausted thought, every scar I hide, every tear I've cried. I LOVE my children.

What has happened you ask? My identity changed from a stay at home wife and mother, blogger, friend, aunt, sister, daughter, to a divorced working mom of three. Basically my entire world changed. And I was the one who changed it.

Some days it seems like my old life was just yesterday. I feel like sometimes an abundance of "new" makes time go by quickly. Yet other moments the days slowly lingered, weighed down by the emotional elements that poured down. I find it interesting that feelings of happiness and joy seem to make time flutter by, while moments of sorrow or pain drudge along relentlessly scraping and scarring the internal pieces of your soul. Just an observation. Back to what I've learned as I look back.

I've learned that friendship is a gift. People, individuals, are gifts. We like to sweep them together in broad categories, but the truth is every human being is unique. Some like the idea of belonging in a category, and they flourish in that particular part of the garden; others find strength in standing alone in the sun. Regardless, we all have experiences and perspectives that are intricately designed and make us unique. This is not a new notion by any means, but it is one that I've picked up on this past year and appreciate.

I've learned that emotions, though they have no physical responsibility like our lungs or our liver, can absolutely impact our physical well being. That concept is difficult for me logically. I have a hard time connecting the fact that something as intangible as "feelings" can have a very real and tangible affect on our bodies. I mean it makes sense now, but the legitimacy of that was hard for me to grasp. I am grateful for the relatively new acceptance of mental health and emotional well being that is popular now. I am a huge fan of therapy, open communication, and all forms of  expression that rid the mind of the plaguing pain derived from emotional burdens.

I've learned that life changes. It just does. Regardless of your plans, your ability to handle it , your desire or lack of desire for it, it happens. And it's okay. As soon as you adjust and feel good about that change, it will happen again.

Finally I've learned that who you are, and who I am, matters. I don't mean our titles, or the hats we wear. I mean our core beings; what we do, and how we do it is important. So find out who you are, what is important to you, and why it is important; and make that a part of you. Find strength in it. Cultivate it. Help others find in within themselves.

I hope that as you reflect upon this past year you can spot the goodness that is not always apparent, and the opportunities disguised as challenges. Find your purpose. Accept life, grab a hold of it, and be kind.